N.U.B.

NUB:(nub). Non Useful Body:
A humanoid lifeform that consumes air, food, and a pit in berthing. Considered by most to be a waste of human flesh. Nubs are able to show their worth when they start supporting the watchbill; although feed pump watch qualification is barely sufficient to get out of nub status.

Skills: Painting, taking out the trash, small valve maintenance, anything mundane
Known enemies: All qualified watchstanders
Leading cause of injury: doing anything other than getting qualified

F_un T_ime N_avy - A place of FTN and other things Navy

Someone who's been doing this for awhile, too:
F_un T_ime N_avy - A place of FTN and other things Navy

Check please?

You go to a restaurant. The food is terrible, the service is worse, and the place is filthy. You vow to never go there again.

For some reason, some of the people at the restaurant think the opposite. They ignore the dirty spoons, the cockroaches, and the horrible food. They actually seem to *enjoy* it. In fact, they keep coming back over and over and over again to this crappy, terrible restaurant. They even go so far as to claim, "There aren't any other good restaurants out there - this is the best one."

For most of us, our time 'in' was like this restaurant. For the lifers, it's the best damned eating establishment they can ever imagine.

The best thing to say?

"Check, please!"

Oops!

Part of my original site had a list of things you can do if waiting until EAOS was taking too long. I'm publishing these under a "HOW TO" tag - we'll see how this turns out. Without further ado, here's the first way to get out early - pee the bed!

I <blush> Peed the bed!

It sounds pretty disgusting, but peeing the bed is considered a medical problem that requires discharge! Here's what you do:
Wet the bed at erratic, but frequent intervals. Make sure you report to medical every time this occurs. You'll be out in no time!

Yup...it's that easy

(in)Significant - but Significant events

One of the things I often noticed was how totally insignificant events were made into the biggest event that ever happened. One of the best examples is "seeing a hot chick". To most of us (I hope) noticing an attractive woman is just part of day-to-day life. In the Navy, however, it's a pretty fucking big deal:

Horny Sailor 1: "Hey! Did you SEE that HOT CHICK!!?!?!"
Horny Sailor 2: "Yeah...she was HOT!"
Horny Sailor 1: "But..her body was SOOO HOT!!"
Horny Sailor 2: "Umm..I was there, too...she was pretty hot"
Horny Sailor 1: "Whoa...she was so hot".
Horny Sailor 2: "I'll take a pitcher of beer with 1 glass please"
Horny Sailor 1: "Make that 2"
Bartender: "2 glasses?"
Horny Sailor 1: "No...2 pitchers with 1 glass each"
...
...
Horny Sailor 1: "Remember that HOT CHICK we saw?"

You might be a "shipmate"

"Shipmate"...I hate that word and the whole concept of it. "Shipmate" is only used when you're in trouble or someone is trying to be rude. I think the original concept of it was for us to "bond together" as a crew, not be assholes. So I've compiled a list of things that could mean you are a "shipmate":

You might be a "Shipmate" if...

• you scream out to the guy in front of you "Hey, Shipmate" even though his name is written across his ass
• you scream "Hey, Shipmate!" to the guy in front of you when his name ISN'T written across his ass and proceed to shit all over him for it
• you think you're "helping" by reporting all divisional problems to the "boss" (chief or above) to receive input on how to fix the problems
• a backpack on someone's shoulder means something to you
• you actually READ the "All Hands" magazine rather than just grab a few for when you're out of toilet paper
• you wear camouflage and you're in the navy
• you think a counseling chit is a useful tool vice a punishment
• you get offended if someone has a PAPERCLIP attached to their uniform
• you are only friends with people that have the same sized nest under their crow...or bigger
• whenever asked to perform some mundane task, your first impulse is to find someone with fewer stripes
• it is more important to you to have a clean, pressed working uniform than actually soil it doing work
• other people do your work for you
• you are always the first person in line for food
• you want to be president of the First Class Association
• you have military creases on your dungarees
• you wear the title of "Lifer" proudly

Week off for the 4th.

I didn't post this week because of the 4th (I know - lame excuse). Check back next Monday for some more FTN goodness :)