Treefrog's FTN Page

You know you're out when...

2009-02-28T01:00:00.000-05:00

So, you've just gotten out and you're not sure if it's real? Here's a few things to help remind you that you're actually OUT:You call your boss Mike, his boss Susan, and her boss Bob.You can walk to the right side of Mike, Larry, and Bob without violating some medieval concept of courtesy.Kiwi regains the meaning "a flightless bird native to New Zealand".You're now making full use of both arms

She's gone :( Boohoo

2009-02-21T15:41:00.002-05:00

So your wife left you (for no apparent reason) and you're stuck with the kid? Not a problem! Just bring the kid to work and let the Navy be your babysitter! Give your kid to the division officer or chief and have him (or her) watch the kid for an hour or two. Call it payback for not letting you have some time off to get your life back together! You should be out of the Navy in no time! They

Ustafish Stories - yuck!

2008-10-06T08:27:00.001-04:00

Some of the most annoying people I ever encountered were the people onboard that served on a different ship during a previous rotation. Whenever *any* task was being performed; small valve maintenance, sweeping the floor, taking a dump; these people had a story to tell about it. What's worse is that you knew it was coming and were usually powerless to stop it. How did you know? Because every

Big Daddy

2008-08-25T11:59:00.000-04:00

"They have better ho's overseas"--Big Daddywhen asked why he was skipping shore duty to go on a world cruise on the Nimitz

N.U.B.

2008-08-18T10:49:00.002-04:00

NUB:(nub). Non Useful Body:A humanoid lifeform that consumes air, food, and a pit in berthing. Considered by most to be a waste of human flesh. Nubs are able to show their worth when they start supporting the watchbill; although feed pump watch qualification is barely sufficient to get out of nub status.Skills: Painting, taking out the trash, small valve maintenance, anything mundaneKnown

F_un T_ime N_avy - A place of FTN and other things Navy

2008-08-11T19:01:00.001-04:00

Someone who's been doing this for awhile, too:F_un T_ime N_avy - A place of FTN and other things Navy

Check please?

2008-08-06T21:51:00.003-04:00

You go to a restaurant. The food is terrible, the service is worse, and the place is filthy. You vow to never go there again.For some reason, some of the people at the restaurant think the opposite. They ignore the dirty spoons, the cockroaches, and the horrible food. They actually seem to *enjoy* it. In fact, they keep coming back over and over and over again to this crappy, terrible

Oops!

2008-07-28T00:00:00.001-04:00

Part of my original site had a list of things you can do if waiting until EAOS was taking too long. I'm publishing these under a "HOW TO" tag - we'll see how this turns out. Without further ado, here's the first way to get out early - pee the bed!I Peed the bed!It sounds pretty disgusting, but peeing the bed is considered a medical problem that requires discharge! Here's what you do:

(in)Significant - but Significant events

2008-07-21T22:18:00.002-04:00

One of the things I often noticed was how totally insignificant events were made into the biggest event that ever happened. One of the best examples is "seeing a hot chick". To most of us (I hope) noticing an attractive woman is just part of day-to-day life. In the Navy, however, it's a pretty fucking big deal:Horny Sailor 1: "Hey! Did you SEE that HOT CHICK!!?!?!"Horny Sailor 2: "Yeah...she

You might be a "shipmate"

2008-07-14T00:01:00.001-04:00

"Shipmate"...I hate that word and the whole concept of it. "Shipmate" is only used when you're in trouble or someone is trying to be rude. I think the original concept of it was for us to "bond together" as a crew, not be assholes. So I've compiled a list of things that could mean you are a "shipmate":You might be a "Shipmate" if...you scream out to the guy in front of you "Hey, Shipmate" even

Week off for the 4th.

2008-07-07T14:40:00.000-04:00

I didn't post this week because of the 4th (I know - lame excuse). Check back next Monday for some more FTN goodness :)

100 Reasons McDonald's is better than the Navy

2008-06-30T00:01:00.001-04:00

Another classic from the archives. The original list was a joint effort by a lot of disgruntled sailors. I'll try and link to the weird terminology. (I wonder if I should have a 'glossary' page?)No McORSE If you have to take a piss, you can go take a piss. No questions asked. You'll never have to go port and starboard on the fryer. Better pay. The sun. The boxes of food at McDonald's aren't

Things to do at home to simulate shipboard life

2008-06-23T00:53:00.004-04:00

This was probably the most popular page on the original FTN site. I think that's why it's fitting to make it the first post on my new blog. The text is straight from the archives; I'll start linking some of the terms so the non-navy folks can better understand some of the lingo.Have you ever wondered what it's like to be in the Navy, but you just don't feel like enlisting? I've got you covered