Oops!

Part of my original site had a list of things you can do if waiting until EAOS was taking too long. I'm publishing these under a "HOW TO" tag - we'll see how this turns out. Without further ado, here's the first way to get out early - pee the bed!

I <blush> Peed the bed!

It sounds pretty disgusting, but peeing the bed is considered a medical problem that requires discharge! Here's what you do:
Wet the bed at erratic, but frequent intervals. Make sure you report to medical every time this occurs. You'll be out in no time!

Yup...it's that easy

(in)Significant - but Significant events

One of the things I often noticed was how totally insignificant events were made into the biggest event that ever happened. One of the best examples is "seeing a hot chick". To most of us (I hope) noticing an attractive woman is just part of day-to-day life. In the Navy, however, it's a pretty fucking big deal:

Horny Sailor 1: "Hey! Did you SEE that HOT CHICK!!?!?!"
Horny Sailor 2: "Yeah...she was HOT!"
Horny Sailor 1: "But..her body was SOOO HOT!!"
Horny Sailor 2: "Umm..I was there, too...she was pretty hot"
Horny Sailor 1: "Whoa...she was so hot".
Horny Sailor 2: "I'll take a pitcher of beer with 1 glass please"
Horny Sailor 1: "Make that 2"
Bartender: "2 glasses?"
Horny Sailor 1: "No...2 pitchers with 1 glass each"
...
...
Horny Sailor 1: "Remember that HOT CHICK we saw?"

You might be a "shipmate"

"Shipmate"...I hate that word and the whole concept of it. "Shipmate" is only used when you're in trouble or someone is trying to be rude. I think the original concept of it was for us to "bond together" as a crew, not be assholes. So I've compiled a list of things that could mean you are a "shipmate":

You might be a "Shipmate" if...

• you scream out to the guy in front of you "Hey, Shipmate" even though his name is written across his ass
• you scream "Hey, Shipmate!" to the guy in front of you when his name ISN'T written across his ass and proceed to shit all over him for it
• you think you're "helping" by reporting all divisional problems to the "boss" (chief or above) to receive input on how to fix the problems
• a backpack on someone's shoulder means something to you
• you actually READ the "All Hands" magazine rather than just grab a few for when you're out of toilet paper
• you wear camouflage and you're in the navy
• you think a counseling chit is a useful tool vice a punishment
• you get offended if someone has a PAPERCLIP attached to their uniform
• you are only friends with people that have the same sized nest under their crow...or bigger
• whenever asked to perform some mundane task, your first impulse is to find someone with fewer stripes
• it is more important to you to have a clean, pressed working uniform than actually soil it doing work
• other people do your work for you
• you are always the first person in line for food
• you want to be president of the First Class Association
• you have military creases on your dungarees
• you wear the title of "Lifer" proudly

Week off for the 4th.

I didn't post this week because of the 4th (I know - lame excuse). Check back next Monday for some more FTN goodness :)