The first version of my FTN website was back in 1996. That's a LONG time! This blog is meant to revive the joy that was once the great and wonderful FTN Website. I'll be making a weekly post from my archives and, of course, include new material as it comes in.

Have something to add? Send me a note: jtrelfa at gmail dot com

Monday, June 30, 2008

100 Reasons McDonald's is better than the Navy

Another classic from the archives. The original list was a joint effort by a lot of disgruntled sailors. I'll try and link to the weird terminology. (I wonder if I should have a 'glossary' page?)
  1. No McORSE
  2. If you have to take a piss, you can go take a piss. No questions asked.
  3. You'll never have to go port and starboard on the fryer.
  4. Better pay.
  5. The sun.
  6. The boxes of food at McDonald's aren't stamped "Rejected by Hardee's" or "Not fit for human consumption".
  7. The ability to call in sick.
  8. The ability to quit.
  9. McDonald's doesn't get their uniforms from the same company as the state penitentiary.
  10. McDonald's doesn't deploy.
  11. They have actual janitors.
  12. No McDrills.
  13. The grill breaks, you CALL someone to fix it.
  14. At least your boss accepts that he's a clown.
  15. No McResin Discharge.
  16. No all night hydro on the fryer.
  17. One word: overtime.
  18. Every day is slider day!
  19. At McDonald's, you will never, EVER, worry about being put in prison for ten years because you told your wife what the secret sauce is.
  20. They pay you for training.
  21. You'll never die a horrible, excruciating death from the crush depth implosion of a McDonald's.
  22. No steam piping.
  23. No time at McDonald's will you hear your boss give a thirty minute dissertation over the P.A. on the importance of being at the register 15 minutes early.
  24. They won't ask you about Taco Bell operations on the advancement test.
  25. You get to leave work EVERY day at the end.
  26. McDonald's will eventually fire the really stupid employees.
  27. two words: Happy Meals.
  28. McDonald's doesn't look like a big black turd
  29. Grimace don't do Vulcan Death Watches.
  30. McDonald's has a slide out back.
  31. To do something at McDonald's, you look at the color coded chart, not OP umpty-squat, chapter whatever, reference 3, ACN B, rev 17.
  32. If McDonald's catches fire, you LEAVE.
  33. No McSmall Valve Maintenance.
  34. No McCOB.
  35. Leaving McDonald's in an emergency doesn't require a Steinke hood and a lot of praying.
  36. The coffee's better.
  37. Someone else makes the water.
  38. You don't have to live there to work there.
  39. The only cones come from the ice cream machine.
  40. McDonald's doesn't go into drydock
  41. ALL the tests are multiple choice.
  42. Their TV commercials are a lot cooler.
  43. Three words: Sea Foam Green.
  44. Stock in McDonald's is worth something.
  45. The Nav is a part of an operation that is 6 trillion dollars in the hole.
  46. Special sauce isn't "hand made".
  47. No McBilges to clean.
  48. Opening for business doesn't require a full day of preparations and everyone to show up for a brief at 2:30 am.
  49. Three words: Stupid ass hats.
  50. Personnel inspection requirements are written on the door. (No shirt, no shoes, no service)
  51. At McDonald's, dislocating your shoulder is not considered getting the good deal.
  52. McDonald's never had an accident that cause a person to be stuck to the ceiling impaled on a french fry. (ie. No Mc-SL1)
  53. Because you deserve a break today.
  54. Even the little Hamburglar is cooler than a goat.
  55. Mayor McCheese doesn't wield a righteous thumb of indignation.
  56. You can choose which McDonald's you want to work at.
  57. If you want to buy your boss a beer, that's okay.
  58. If you want to tell your boss to fuck off and just die fucking die, that's okay too.
  59. There is no Uniform Code of McDonald's Justice to deal with.
  60. The news comes from USA Today, not Ric Crawford, GS-12.
  61. No one will rack you out at 2 in the morning to start the grill.
  62. Chances of you getting called back after you get off work are pretty damn slim.
  63. Putting the pickle on the hamburger doesn't require an QA-34 and a signature to be used against you in a court of law, should they want you.
  64. The only guy in a silly yellow suit is Ronald.
  65. How many McDonald's were sunk in W.W.II?
  66. Fixing the register doesn't require a rubber room and a rope man.
  67. Nothing on the menu contains the phrases, "Horse cock" or "baboon ass".
  68. At McDonald's, the riders would have to leave at closing time.
  69. $2.99 is a meal price, not a daily wage at McDonald's.
  70. You don't have to go single register operations if someone spills a Coke.
  71. McDonald's doesn't require a 24 hour Shutdown Register Operator and McRoving Watch.
  72. McDonald's doesn't call your house at 5:30 in the morning blaring some god-awful atiquated song about a bugler just to wake you up.
  73. No McRadcon.
  74. At McDonald's, your boss will never make you drive him around for two and a half months so he can spy on Wendy's.
  75. You will never be locked in for 24 hours pretending to operate everything. (ie no McFastcruise)
  76. You don't have to come in to work at 7:00 only to wait around for an hour waiting for your boss to tell you things you already know.
  77. At McDonald's you will never hear, "Shake machine troubleshooting team, and all off watch drinkmakers, lay aft."
  78. No McGMT.
  79. At McDonald's you don't have to route a 1250 for a new stack of cups
  80. If you burn a hamburger they won't take away half a month's pay for two months and restrict you to the playground.
  81. Knowledge of the material of construction and variable operating characteristics of the grill are not prerequisites for operation.
  82. You don't have to take apart the shake machine once a quarter just because.
  83. You don't have to share your bed with two coworkers.
  84. You don't have to shave off your goatee when the district manager comes.
  85. At McDonald's, when the toilet clogs, you don't rig pressurized air to the shitter.
  86. You don't have to shut everything off and call in the last shift to start the grill.
  87. Early in the morning, you don't cycle the drink machine on and off just for practice.
  88. You scrub the floors because it's dirty, not because it's Wednesday
  89. There is almost always plenty of parking. If not, drive through.
  90. Don't like what you got? Take it back.
  91. You don't have to take a turbidity prior to putting a new catsup dispenser on service.
  92. Failure of the warming oven door to open is not a panic causing event. It will also not preclude you from starting another fryer or pulling the fries out of the vat due to interlock.
  93. No Mc-HPACs.
  94. No one hates it so bad they refer to it simply as "The Mac".
  95. No 16 hour days at McDonald's prototype making burgers in the middle of the desert for no one.
  96. If you wipe up a catsup spill at McDonald's, you don't have to let it dry before you throw it away.
  97. They won't secure one of the register operators to keep track of the people going into Burger King.
  98. You don't have to have permission from the Manager, Assistant Manager, and Register Operator before going into the freezer.
  99. At McDonald's, the toilet paper stays in the bathroom, not on the dinner table.
  100. ALL of the of the Constitution applies to you at McDonald's

3 comments:

tricorter said...

I agree 100%. No McNEC removal either.

Tim said...

OTOH, no Pro-pay for learning the intricate details of fryer thermodynamics or Sea Pay for working at a McDonalds 3000 miles from home!

Trout.Dude said...

love it all, FTN, esp those fugggin nukes